My friend wrote this about Jacking Off

The problem with getting that mood out, as you say, is that mood is with me most of the time! There’s a void that needs to be filled. We are both experiencing a loss… something that’s missing in our lives. It’s not just sex, because we’re getting that. But we’re missing the genuine love from another person. I imagine when you are with someone (and you’ve said that people only want to be with you for sex), they are really there for themselves and not for you. You may get off with them, but do they really see to your needs as a human? Are they in a hurry to get naked and down to business, or do they gaze into your eyes? Do they spoon from behind and slowly kiss the back of your neck? Do they listen for the approval in your breathing? When you’re finally naked, do they reach for you, wrapping their hand around it and giving it a few strong tugs while they kiss your mouth, gently sucking on your tongue as if to say, I can’t wait to put the rest of you in my mouth…? When they do suck your dick, are they fast, or are they slow as they take all of it, and then hold it in their mouth as if waiting for it to melt? Do they run their tongue around the head, teasing you before it disappears back into their lips? Do they kiss you hard, holding your head with both hands while they thrust in and out, not letting you breathe unless you take their breath from them? Do you scream your orgasm into their mouth but it’s muffled because their lips are so tightly pressed to yours? Do they hold you afterwards as you bask in the glow of feeling you are truly loved? Do you know what it’s like to be truly loved? Unconditionally? I don’t think many people know or even understand that concept. I wish we could all experience true love. Of course, love is so much more than sex, but to feel that intimate connection with someone you love must be amazing. Maybe it’s just a fantasy. But when I think of romantic intimacy, this is what I think of. Two people who can’t get enough of each other. I hope someday we both can fill the void in our lives with a meaningful relationship.

Posted in Changes | 2 Comments

I hate some of my past

I have made many mistakes in my past. I truly hate it. O well I have to deal with it. I remember working regular jobs and people eventually always finding out about me. I guess its something I have to deal with.

There was this one thing I did. I had these girls offer me somewhere to stay. I even gave them the deposit. Then I asked for my deposit back. I suck as a friend. I did not move in with them. I should have told them before I was not interested in the place. I wasted their time. I am such a kind of bad person.

I used to run this program and I totally embarrassed myself at it. I am so messed up. I think I was always meant for the adult industry. Other jobs did not work out. I did have one job in the adult industry. He did not like me much but because I came all the way up there he took my pictures anyway.

one guy told me I am famous. I am not though. Very few people contact me. I should have allot of emails but I don’t.

Posted in Changes | 2 Comments

Don’t know who I can trust

I have made some friends and acquaintances but who can you really trust. He will be honest with me. I have this one guy that is my pet and he stopped paying tribute to me. I am not doing bad financially, but I like have my pets. Wish I had more guys to do financial domination.

I have made some local friends too. One has stopped calling me. I don’t know why. The others still talk to me, but the acquaintances around here speak to me sometimes and other times they don’t. I am starting to let people speak to me first.

Posted in Changes | 1 Comment

Talking to a guy in Germany

Well yes. This nice guy is calling me from Germany. He is very sweet. I like talking to him. We can’t understand each other that much though. His phone is also kind of low. He wants me to move out there and it seems they have more rights in their country than we do here.

Posted in Changes | 4 Comments


Everyone wants to date right now but they want to have sex right after the date. O my gosh I am so not ready for sex right now. Yes I do jack off sometimes but still I don’t want sex to be about my friendships.

Posted in Changes | 6 Comments

Going to a support group

I am going to a support group for people that over eat. I been sick again. I actually through up on my therapist after eating fried fish. I don’t understand why I keep getting sick. O well it happens. I am eating more vegetables now. Wish me luck. I hope to do allot better.

Text me to send your support to me. 215-900-7000

Posted in Changes | 1 Comment

Hope you all had a happy Memorial Day

Hey, I stayed home and worked but I hope all of you had fun. Money is tight but I am doing better on the phonesex line. Wish me luck at the phonesex line. I wish you all success at what your doing as well.

Posted in Changes | 3 Comments

Talking on the Phone Sex line vs talking on the phone

Allot of guys say they want to hear my voice. I make youtube videos and do phonesex. It is hard to give every admirer the attention they ask for . Maybe in the future I can.

Posted in Changes | 3 Comments

Romance is not there in my life

I wish I had some romance in my life. Would love a guy to take me out to dinner and spend quality time with me. It seems that guys will as long as I give them sex in return. It should not be like that.

Posted in Changes | 9 Comments

Thank you all for emails, text and responses

I want to thank all of you for writing me back. I love getting advice from others. It seems that all of you want me to be happy.

There is an over eaters meeting not far from me. I think I will start going there. It can’t hurt to try to get help. I been ordering Pizza almost every week. Well not almost, its been every week. I am gonna max out my credit card with Pizza.

Posted in Changes | 7 Comments