I am so lazy lately. I don’t feel like doing anything. I really need to get off my ass. I guess I need someone to check on me more often.
I did make a new friend though and she is cool. She does not know much about me yet. I hope she does not mind I am trans.
My car note is one of the reasons I am struggling. I make enough money to pay it but don’t know how long that will last. I have so many bills every month and its hard to make money when I am sleeping allot. I might need to try coffee. Coffee is said to hurt breast growth. I think my tits might stay the same though.
Everyone cross their fingers. I hope my health gets better.
I am really not taking good care of myself. My diabetes is not doing good. Plus, I have some problems with my kidneys. It really sucks. I know what I need to do just don’t feel like doing it.
I need I need to get out and walk, but I just don’t feel like it and I don’t like walking around here. To be honest I don’t like walking period. I would rather exercise than walk. Wish I had a track to walk on a friend to walk with. Then a bigger place to work out here. They only problem with working out is the fact that it makes my body have more muscle. I don’t like muscle on my body it makes me look to masculine.
I get along with my brother, and my mom is ok. Just my dad and my other brother. They hate my lifestyle. My mom and brother that deals with me don’t like it either but they still treat me like family. I wish my family was cool with me like other families except their transgender children. It looks like I just have to make you all my family. I am just so busy lately that I barely have time for anything.
The problem with getting that mood out, as you say, is that mood is with me most of the time! There’s a void that needs to be filled. We are both experiencing a loss… something that’s missing in our lives. It’s not just sex, because we’re getting that. But we’re missing the genuine love from another person. I imagine when you are with someone (and you’ve said that people only want to be with you for sex), they are really there for themselves and not for you. You may get off with them, but do they really see to your needs as a human? Are they in a hurry to get naked and down to business, or do they gaze into your eyes? Do they spoon from behind and slowly kiss the back of your neck? Do they listen for the approval in your breathing? When you’re finally naked, do they reach for you, wrapping their hand around it and giving it a few strong tugs while they kiss your mouth, gently sucking on your tongue as if to say, I can’t wait to put the rest of you in my mouth…? When they do suck your dick, are they fast, or are they slow as they take all of it, and then hold it in their mouth as if waiting for it to melt? Do they run their tongue around the head, teasing you before it disappears back into their lips? Do they kiss you hard, holding your head with both hands while they thrust in and out, not letting you breathe unless you take their breath from them? Do you scream your orgasm into their mouth but it’s muffled because their lips are so tightly pressed to yours? Do they hold you afterwards as you bask in the glow of feeling you are truly loved? Do you know what it’s like to be truly loved? Unconditionally? I don’t think many people know or even understand that concept. I wish we could all experience true love. Of course, love is so much more than sex, but to feel that intimate connection with someone you love must be amazing. Maybe it’s just a fantasy. But when I think of romantic intimacy, this is what I think of. Two people who can’t get enough of each other. I hope someday we both can fill the void in our lives with a meaningful relationship.
I have made many mistakes in my past. I truly hate it. O well I have to deal with it. I remember working regular jobs and people eventually always finding out about me. I guess its something I have to deal with.
There was this one thing I did. I had these girls offer me somewhere to stay. I even gave them the deposit. Then I asked for my deposit back. I suck as a friend. I did not move in with them. I should have told them before I was not interested in the place. I wasted their time. I am such a kind of bad person.
I used to run this program and I totally embarrassed myself at it. I am so messed up. I think I was always meant for the adult industry. Other jobs did not work out. I did have one job in the adult industry. He did not like me much but because I came all the way up there he took my pictures anyway.
one guy told me I am famous. I am not though. Very few people contact me. I should have allot of emails but I don’t.
I have made some friends and acquaintances but who can you really trust. He will be honest with me. I have this one guy that is my pet and he stopped paying tribute to me. I am not doing bad financially, but I like have my pets. Wish I had more guys to do financial domination.
I have made some local friends too. One has stopped calling me. I don’t know why. The others still talk to me, but the acquaintances around here speak to me sometimes and other times they don’t. I am starting to let people speak to me first.
Well yes. This nice guy is calling me from Germany. He is very sweet. I like talking to him. We can’t understand each other that much though. His phone is also kind of low. He wants me to move out there and it seems they have more rights in their country than we do here.
Everyone wants to date right now but they want to have sex right after the date. O my gosh I am so not ready for sex right now. Yes I do jack off sometimes but still I don’t want sex to be about my friendships.